Ryu2.mind

"Whoeverfights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not becomea monster. And when you look long into an abyss, the abyss also looksinto you" - Nietzsche

One of the ways to think ofmy time spent in this country so far is to think of the many "firsts"I've experienced in the course of these eight months, occassions forboth celebration and regret... first real time living away from the BayArea, first expat job, first time getting spit on, etc. I had one inthe latter category a few days ago: the first time I really lost mytemper in front of a customer service person.

Basically, thestory was that a friend of mine from SF AIM'd me at work, asking whereone could find fresh flowers or fruit baskets here. My scandalous mindimmediately wanted to ask if she had a secret lover out here, but itturned out the father of one of her friends back home suddenly hadpassed away in Shanghai. Oh. I was her only friend currently in Shanghai,and she asked me if she could get me to buy a fruit basket and send itto the mother of her friend -- the funeral being in two days.

Ihave a huge heart to serve others (almost to a fault, but that'sanother entry for another time), and so I took time in the middle ofwork to run down to Freshmart, a relatively new and largeexpat-oriented supermarket in the basement of CityPlaza shopping mallnear my place, spend a nice sum of money and get a nice looking,wrapped basket with fresh fruit of all kinds.

I proceeded tothe delivery desk to get it delivered (since it would take far too longfor me to do it myself)... when I was informed that they don't deliverfruit because it's perishable, neverminding the fact that the fruitbasket itself was sitting in a non-refrigerated section of the store,and its "expiry" date on its sticker was long past the delivery datethat I wanted.

Those of you who know me know I'm generally mildmannered and reluctant to "rock the boat", almost to a fault, and ittakes an incredible amount of crap to make me even raise my voice theslightest bit.

But this time I suddeny became furious... and I showed it.

Shouting louder and louder at the top of my lungs in Mandarin:

Listen to me, miss! This is clearly not your normal situation.

YOU GIVE ME SOME SYMPHATHY HERE, OK?!? [slams fist on table, causing all the shoppers within a 20 foot radius to stop what they're doing and look around]

Myanger wasn't borne out of genuine emotional pain or anguish (after all,I didn't know who this friend of a friend is, let alone his parentshere in Shanghai) but rather a sudden desire just to cut through theoft-frustrating inefficency, surliness, legalism, and incompetence thattypifies customer "service" in this country, like the locals tend to do.

"OK... I'll see what I can do..." the service lady could only reply. They relented this time, and all was solved.

Ofcourse, pulling something like that means culturally that it causes amassive loss of face on their part. It was immediately cathartic forme, but then, I felt shameful, as many eyes both local and expatriatelooked upon us. Shameful that I was so out of my character, shamefulthat I let my emotions get to me over someone that I've never metbefore, shameful that I caused her to lose face, shameful I could stoopto the level of the locals who are wont to do this all the time -- andfailing the test of being a witness by approaching the situation with aLoving heart. As I walked off in my Phyrric victory, I thought I mighthave to steer clear of FreshMart, for at least a few days... =P

Even though Nietzche definitely held a vastly different worldview thanme, I still find his quote somewhat descriptive in this case.  AreChina's behavioral idiosyncracies getting to me? Another example wouldbe how inthe subways, I find that I'm pushing more and more myself to board orget off crowded trains. It's annoying in a way because it conflictswith my personality, but it bothers me even more that my own heart maybe unconciously shifting and becoming that which I thought I'd remainabove becoming.

ShouldI stop fighting this particular monster lest I become one myself, andin general, how can I pick my monsters to fight when there seem to beso many in this country?