It's interesting how both Dave and Jieun mention physical pain in their recent thoughts, because it's something I've been very recently dealing with as well. For much of my break, I was struggling with my back and neck being sore, aggravated by my Tourette-induced "tics", most likely from suboptimal posture, or plain sitting in front of the computer for too long, without getting up. And I still am, to some extent. I've actually been getting acupuncture therapy for it, and it actually seems to be helping... we'll see.
As a result, for much of break, I've been forcing myself just to lie down at times, doing nothing. It's been difficult, because I've got the urge to do something productive -- and yet, most productive things of mine involve sitting in front of a computer, be it coding, job research/hunting, or even writing thoughts. The fact that most of my friends had gone home for the holidays didn't make things easier for me to find stuff to do.
Yet, this whole ordeal reminds me in many ways of a time winter quarter of my senior year, when I suffered acute laryngitis, and was unable to speak much. I just looked back on a email (excerpted below) I had written to several close friends during that time, and realized that this current challenge, and the things I've felt, mirror this earlier episode uncanningly, to the point of giving me newfound encouragement from reflecting on the past...
...When I was resting at home, I would often just cry out to Him (in my mind) about this trial, and I felt that I was just missing out on everything that was taking place. Then again, I felt that He was calling me to slow down, to take it easy.
"Be still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." -- Psalm 46:10
And I did need some time to be still, because I think I was just sort of too excited about what a new quarter had to offer.
I think that my experience has taught me to really, as Paul writes, "rejoice in the Lord" to in essence, make our lives a prayer to him.
But more importnatly, the thing that became most apparent to me was that He puts us to the test, telling us to utterly depend on Him, even when things aren't going well, when His face doesn't always feel like shining upon us, and when we are WITHOUT the encouragement of friends or discipleship group leaders.
Psalm 30:6-7: "LORD, when you favored me, you made my mountain stand firm; but when you hid your face, I was dismayed. To you, O LORD, I called; to the Lord I cried for mercy:"
Fall quarter, I felt like He was favoring me. I felt blessed by the group, blessed by my QTs in my single... perhaps my illness to start off this quarter was Him hiding His face, at least for now. And I have been brought out of my complanency -- I realize that how utterly short I still fall in terms of discipline, in terms of desiring what He desires, and for this, I look back at these past few weeks with a thankful heart, "giving thanks always..."
To put it another way: my first solo flight, without an instructor by my side, if you will...